Growing up I remember seeing children and adults who were in wheel chairs who couldn’t hold their heads up, who were drooling, or who just looked different and behaved differently than the so called ‘norm’. I wondered what happened to them but I never dared ask. Why would I? Why would I go up to a complete stranger and say, “What happened to your child?” or “Why is he moving that way?”. I honestly might of got a slap in my face if I behaved that way. I was raised in a open honest household and was always encouraged to ask questions, which was great as I was a very inquisitive curious kid. But when it came to people who were disabled, it was socially unacceptable. You could ask your mom what was wrong but it was impolite to go up to a parent and ask what was wrong with their child. I’d like to say that this was how I reacted when I was young, stupid, ignorant and naive. But sadly that is not true. If i’m being honest I have behaved this way as an adult. I have looked. I have stared, not because I was disgusted but because I was curious. Why is that child moving that way? Why is that child who has his eyes closed driving himself in his wheelchair through a crowd full of people without knocking anyone over? Clearly Impressive but why?. Why is that little girl moving her arms that way?. I hate to say it but when I looked at the mom’s or dad’s I felt sorry for them. I remember on a few occasions thinking wow, that must take a special kind of person to deal with a child with such a severe disability. That poor family, it must be so hard to deal with that kind of behavior on a daily basis or have a child that can’t communicate, or can’t walk. 
What a frigging twat I was. I wish I could delete all of the above. That was how ignorant I was. Oh they can’t walk or talk, that must be so hard to deal with. I’m actually ashamed to acknowledge this, but it’s true. It never once crossed my mind that those children might never sleep because of their neurological damage, or would only sleep on the parents for 10 minute increments over 24 hour days and wake up and need comforting or reassurance that they were safe. Or that a lot of brain injured children might take up to 3 hours to feed by a bottle regardless of their age because of sucking, swallowing difficulties, and throw it all up, or be extremely irritable because they can not see or hear and they have sensory overload and feel like their little world is being threatened. That the parents can’t take them out for a walk to the park, or in the car. Or that the least of the parents worries were that their child could not walk, more importantly was that their child was having seizures that were terrifying, with numerous hospital and ambulance visits. What’s for dinner tonight or the house is a mess, or the cat is depressed is not a life crises. My child isn’t breathing and doesn’t seem to be with us, that is a life crises. Not once did that cross my mind. Why would it? It wasn’t part of my world. It wasn’t something I was going through.
Last year all of that changed. Our world was spun around and around and the puzzle pieces were scattered and we are now just putting them back together. I look back now and am absolutely ashamed that that was how I behaved towards the parents and their children. The parents of special needs children are the ones that deserve the respect of being approached and asked questions about their child and not just starred at. I can not talk for all parents of special needs children. I can talk only for our family, but I hope that those parents would prefer and welcome questions as opposed to whispers or snared comments directed about and to their children. The first few months were hard, I admit it. I didn’t want to talk about what happened to Archie or what was wrong with Archie in fear that if I started talking I would become a bumbling uncontrollable crying mess. I hid at home. I didn’t want to see other children Archie’s age playing or laughing, all the things he should be doing. It was heartbreaking. I knew that we would get passed it but it consumed me. I was so sad. But we did move on. We are blessed with a beautiful child, beautiful children, and while this might really suck some days, there are days that he will bring more joy than we could possibly imagine. 
That feeling of pity from people infuriated me. It’s not their fault and I don’t blame them. But to me, it was like a big old kick in the butt. Why are you pitying me? Why are you feeling sorry for me? I have a child. I have a baby. He is my baby. I gave birth to him, I see my daughter in him, I see my husband in him, I see myself in him. He is my child. I love him to flipping China and Australia and Japan and Kazakhstan and back again. Any mother of a special needs child will tell you the same thing. Please do not pity me. My child may have disabilities and might not be on par neurologically with his peers, but my child is here. He is not in an incubator, he is not in the ground, he is here. He is fighting, and he is bringing joy, smiles, laughter, warmth and his own personality to the table.
We love our children more than words can say and while we might cry and grieve the child we thought we were going to have, we embrace the child we were given with such warmth and unconditional love. It is okay to ask questions. It is okay to look a disabled child in the eye who isn’t looking at you and ask him how he is doing? It is okay to ask the parents what happened to their child? They will appreciate it more than you starring at them or whispering and pointing. It is okay to ask a parent who is struggling with a special needs child in a public place if they need a hand. Sometimes just having someone come over and offer a kind word, or a kind gesture can brighten our day beyond words. A child in a wheel chair deserves the same respect as a walking child and a special needs mother who is having a bad day, deserves the same respect and kindness as a mother with a non special needs child. She does not deserve judgement. We are all parents and we all aim in providing our children with the right social skills,stimulation, love and social morals regardless of their ability. 
Motherhood kicks our asses on the best of days. Fatherhood kicks our asses on the best of days too. Some days are easier than others, and some parents have it harder than others. And as a new special needs parent, I invite the questions. I invite you to come over and learn. I wish I had asked questions when I was younger. I wish I had looked those children in wheelchairs in the eyes and not starred at their wheelchairs. Those eyes tell a story in themselves. These children are bright, intelligent, beautiful and full of spirit. We can learn a lot from them and from their parents. 
“If you have time to judge other people you have way to much time on your hands. Get off your ass and do something meaningful.” ~ Shane Gibson